Above all else, what I most want to share with the world is this: the love you most desire IS possible when you create it from the wholeness of your own heart.
I’ll unpack this by sharing a bit about my own love story.
But first, this from Marion Woodman:
“Most of us are dragged towards wholeness.”
I hope you receive these words with as much amusement as I do. Just makes me chuckle. The undeniable truth of our humanness. We are these amazing infinite beings of light capable of tremendous acts of courage. But most of the time— and I’ll speak for myself here—it can take an earthquake under my very own feet to get me focused on the healing task at hand.
My little earthquake happened in January 2014. My soul, or supreme being, or the universe — or maybe all of the above — conspired to drag me towards wholeness.
But let me back up a little here. Some of you know of the journey my husband David and I have taken in our relationship. We met in 2012 and pretty early on, there was lots ‘o fireworks. Lots of excitement and passion and laughter. All of that.
We moved in together (rather, I moved in with him… more on that later), and for about a year we were enjoying learning to be partners to one another.
But, you know how they say that relationship is the greatest teacher? How, anything within that is unresolved will sooner or later be brought to the surface by a close intimate relationship?
Well, guess what. Things began to sour after about a year into our relationship. There was no lack of love—that was true. But we were not connecting. We’d have these conversations where we’d both agree we weren’t connecting, we’d both agree we wanted to connect, and then … we’d do absolutely nothing to change things.
I remember one Saturday morning, standing in the garage, David at his car door, me at mine, having this same conversation for the umpteenth time (over the roofs of our cars!), and then promptly, each of us popping into our own car and setting off in pursuit of our separate Saturday activities. (So glad I can find the humor in this now!)
You can see where this is going.
Eventually, we split. Actually, he broke up with me. And there’s a whole lot I could say here about my holding onto something that wasn’t working. It is an important part of my story, so perhaps we can bookmark it for now and bring it up in a future post.
As I was saying, 2014 began with the earthquake of our breakup. Not to be too melodramatic, but it delivered me to the deepest, darkest of lows I’ve ever known. (A breakup is never just a breakup, by the way.) But there I was, in my late 40s, never married, having just lost the closest thing I’ve had to the love I’ve always desired, and wondering, if I couldn’t make it work with David, how could I possibly make it work with anyone else?
Because it wasn’t like I hadn’t been trying. I’ve actually dedicated a significant chunk of my adult life to understanding love and relationships. In my thirties, while still in my corporate career, I spent my evenings in night school and nearly completed a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy before I relocated for my job.
And over the past 10 years, my pursuit of relationship healing has been even more focused and intentional. I’ve read all the books, been to Venus and Mars and beyond, studied closely with relationship experts. I learned many wonderful relationship tools. But in the end, tools and tactics had been of little use to me.
So, that January 2014, the only thing I could say with certainty was this: I knew nothing, I understood nothing, I had nothing.
Whatever I thought I knew, understood or had used before, it was not going to get me out of the mess I created. There was something else going on with me, and I had no tools.
It was a profound moment of “I got nothin’”
… and, that’s when my journey towards a whole heart actually began.
“I will never abandon myself again.”
Those simple words emerged one morning.
I was lying in bed, waking up to the ache of my heart and body, and grappling with how to make it through the day without falling apart. Spontaneously, my right hand went to my heart, my left hand to my belly, and I just lay there breathing: “I’ll never abandon you again, Elizabeth.” Breathe in, breathe out. “I’ll never abandon you again.”
This became my morning practice. For over a year, I would not get out of bed until I could feel myself actually located in my heart. It turns out that day by day, I was calling back pieces of me that I had scattered all over creation. Literally.
And it turns out that this one, simple practice became the foundation for my journey of making my heart whole.
I love this practice, and I love what it demonstrates — that the simplest of things are often the most powerful.
Why don’t you give it a try? Consider this an invitation for you to come home to your own heart.
Take a minute to just breathe, with one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, and invite whatever expression wants to emerge from your heart.
Perhaps it’s “I’ll never abandon you again.” Or, perhaps it’s something else. Trust whatever comes as your truth and your invitation into your own heart.
Part 2 is coming soon… Let me know if any of this resonates for you. I suspect I’m not the only one who has abandoned herself at some point.
PS – If you’re intrigued by how to come to relationship with a whole heart, you might be interested in Whole Hearts in Love, a 4-weeks e-course to create love from wholeness, not lack. It begins on October 16, 2017, and you’re invited! Check it out here and let me know if you have any questions.